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Canít we all just get along?

June 01, 2011, at 05:06 AM

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**NEW!** Check out the Many Minds on the Issue podcast episode on this topic: Can't We All Get Along? (episode 006)

Imagine a house where everyone comes & goes as they please. No one does the chores. No one contributes to the rent. The denizens donít follow any particular rules or guidelines, nor do they even communicate. They steal from each other, lie, break things, use each otherís supplies and items without consent or apology. If you were to stop someone and ask them who lives there, they probably have no idea, or perhaps they have a couple names but donít really know each other really well. Some people sneak about and hide from the others, living in closets, boxes, the attic, the basement, the garage ó anywhere but where others can spot them clearly. Itís like a den of animals, without law and order, without a sense of decorum or being polite, with the stereo or TV blasting at all hours.

It sounds crazy, but this anarchy is a multipleís head on the brink of crisis. After enough nights of lost sleep, lost items, lost memories, inadvertently lying to their friends or family, meeting people they have never met who claim to know them, and basically living a crazy life in their head, often the multiple will plunge into a full crisis and a big fight over rights, respect, trust, identity, property & idea ownership, friendships or relationships, power and control erupts, sometimes overnight. For those of us who are lucky, we head the crisis off before it fully erupts. For those who have no idea that they are multiple, the chaos can be devastating leading to loss of employment and emotional disability until they can get back to a place of peace and balance.

Being good citizens

Most functional adults have good role models who have taught them how to do chores, who cared whether they were coming or going, who contributed to the household, who set and followed certain rules and guidelines and passed them along. But since society is chock full of singletons, most of us donít have good role models for being good citizens in our own head. Multiples may comprise as much as 6-10% of society, but there are no good role models in books, on TV, in our homes, or in the media for how citizens in our head should behave. Instead of teaching multiples a similar method for sharing and caring that exists in any good community, we label them "Disabled," excuse them from society and sanity, and allow them to be a complete anarchy, run by whomever happens to have control at any given moment.

And I would know, because I -- we, more accurately, are multiple. And I'm here to say "Enough!" and give you a refreshing breeze of what sanity has in store for you.

Itís time to re-create your internal relationships. Weíre not going to play the blame game, weíre just going to have a revolution and change the rules, and do everything in our power to make it fun, adventurous, exciting -- and challenging. Don't we all love a good challenge?

Other Posts in June 2011


This is great Criss. I think it will be very helpful to both singletons and multiples.

It is a good thing that you are fortunate to have gone to the process to the point when you can be helpful to those that don't understand.

As you know I have worked with, care about, support and loved several multiples for some years and have often been appalled and frustrated with the disbelief, synisism and "mystic" that are expressed by both clinicians and "lay" folks.

I like the way you put it in terms all can understand. I have always understood that it was as "simple" (and yes I know for multiples there's nothing simple about it)as that. So futile for mental health folks to waste so much time trying to "force" multiples to conform to what they can understand.

Comment by Evelyn Rivera on June 04, 2011, at 10:20 PM

we are trying to learn to just listen to those we disagree with, and thinking before reacting. spice is helping.

Comment by Jennifer Todd on July 28, 2017, at 10:44 AM

I suppose you mean the drug? I hope you can find another way to do it. But listening and thinking before reacting are very important. We found Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effecting People very helpful for both. Just remember that everything that applies to external relationships also applies to internal relationships ó and it will be very helpful to follow any good or proven advice.

Comment by Crisses on September 02, 2017, at 12:49 PM

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